just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
