i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
