I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
