i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
