I just pynch a tree in the face
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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