Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
