So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
