We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
