i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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