Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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