Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
