ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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