but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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