Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
