i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
