put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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