So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
