i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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