From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
