you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
