I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
