We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
