do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
