i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
