Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
