Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
