What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
