I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
