i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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