Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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