There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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