Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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