Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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