I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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