I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
