Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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