After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
