im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm eating all of the evidence.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
