life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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