i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
