How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fill condoms, not promises.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
