He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
