I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry about my life...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
