That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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