I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
