She is in my trunk
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
