That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
