I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can text with my tongue
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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