Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
