It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
