I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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