I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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