i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
