I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
