i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
