It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
