when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
