I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
