Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
