I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize