my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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