Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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