i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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