My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
