My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
