ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
