You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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