I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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