Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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