dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
