you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
