brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
