i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
