The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
