the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
