I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
