Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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